


Different Kind of Fear

by FFanon



Series: Can't Get Enough [4]
Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Bank Robbery, F/M, Fear, Heartache, Sex, Shooting, Voicemail, Worry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-03
Updated: 2019-03-03
Packaged: 2019-11-08 11:12:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17980229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FFanon/pseuds/FFanon
Summary: There's been a shooting and Rachel has no way to know if Shane is okay





	Different Kind of Fear

It had all begun when she was on the phone with Shane.

It was mid-morning on a Sunday.  It had been a couple days since Rachel had seen Shane last so they were definitely missing each other. 

Walking along the aisles of the grocery store, Rachel was pushing the cart with one hand while holding her cell phone to her ear with the other.  

Shane was sitting in the patrol car parked in Rick’s driveway.  Rick had to make a pit stop there to grab a couple things.  With the windows already down, Shane had his elbow propped up on the window sill, his hand holding the phone to his ear.

Rachel grabs a six-pack of Shane’s favorite beer to have in her fridge for when he comes over.  As she shops for herself and Delilah, she makes sure to grab a couple of Shane’s favorite things along the way. 

“So, Netflix has that scary movie you mentioned the other day…” Rachel informs him.

“Nice!” Shane chuckles.

“Yeah well, you know you’re going to be staying over whatever night we watch it.  I’m not being left alone to let my mind wander and scare me more.”

“Who says that wasn’t my plan all along?” Shane smirks.

It’s corny but it makes her smile, “If that was your plan, then you’re ridiculous,” and then she lowers her voice, a smirk evident in her voice, “You know if you wanted to stay over you just have to take off your shirt and I’d be pulling you into bed.”

Shane’s grin turns smug, “Look at you thinkin’ ‘bout me shirtless while shopping.” 

And he laughs when he hears her mumble, _Oh my god,_ in response.

“You’re usually sayin’ it louder than that,” he can’t help himself.

“Shane!” she hisses but then he hears a soft laugh bubble out of her.

“You blushin’ yet?” he licks his lips as he tilts his head with a smile.

“You don’t know a damn thing,” she smirks, cheeks warm.

“Like hell I don’t.”

Then the radio in the patrol car comes alive and Rachel’s learned to pause talking whenever it does so that Shane doesn’t miss anything. 

_All available units respond to the Bank of America at the corner of Bailey Road and Morgan Street for a robbery in progress.  Suspects are armed. Possible hostage situation._

Rachel hears it clear as day. She also notices Shane’s playful tone turns incredibly serious.

“Rach, baby, I gotta go.”

“Okay,” she tries to say with less worry than she’s feeling.

“I’ll call you later tonight. Bye, sweetheart.”

“Okay, bye,” and she stares at the screen of her cell that says Call Ended with a picture of a laughing Shane.

 

**~~~**

 

When she finishes up with the grocery shopping, she heads to her bank as originally planned.  Though after hearing that radio call, she finds herself side eyeing every other person inside. 

When she gets home, it’s about forty-five minutes since she spoke with Shane.  After putting away the groceries, she sits next to Delilah on the couch and turns the TV on.  Flipping to the local news channel, she finds what she was looking for.

The news station has a helicopter at the scene of the bank robbery providing live footage of the situation.  Rachel watches as the camera pulls back to show numerous police cars parked in various spots around the bank.  Her eyes quickly scan for any sign of Shane. 

Her heart stops when she finally sees him.

She knows the number of his squad car so the large painted numbers on the roof help her spot him first. Once she saw the vehicle, she looked at the figures standing on one side of it.  A dark-haired man in a khaki and brown uniform holding a shotgun was her Shane.

And him and Rick must have gotten there pretty fast after the call because their car is one of the few that are right in front of the bank.  If anything was to happen, they’d be one of first in the line of fire.   

She doesn’t take notice that her grip on the remote tightens or that her knee starts bouncing. Her eyes stay glued on the little figure on screen that she knows is him.  Watches as he talks to a couple other officers around him.

It’s not until the footage disappears, going back to showing the newscasters in the studio, that she finally blinks. 

The news station cuts between the live scene at the robbery, to the newscasters, to sharing other local stories while keeping updates of the robbery in progress.

Rachel finds herself glued to the television.  Every time they cut away from the robbery scene, she gets irritated.  She barely moves as she sits there, her body tense.  If she could just see him on the screen then it means he’s okay.  It’s what she’s telling herself.  What she believes.  But every second she can’t see him, means every second he’s in danger.  That’s how her mind is working right now. 

There’s been no changes for about twenty minutes and then ‘Breaking News’ covers the whole screen.

“We are taking you back to the scene of the bank robbery on Bailey Road as we have just gotten word that the robbers have start firing on police officers from inside the bank.”

There’s a hitch in her breathing when she hears those words, then when she hears the gunshots.

The footage at the scene comes on screen and gunshots are immediately heard.  The helicopter’s camera zooms in and Rachel watches as officers are taking cover behind vehicles while popping up at times to fire their own weapons in response.

The damn camera never pans back to the area where she last saw Shane.   Rachel is on the edge of her seat as she scans every inch of the screen to see if maybe he’s moved, if maybe he’s farther back now. But none look like him.  _Where is he?_

When the gunfire ends, the screen splits in two.  On the left side are the newscasters and on the right side is a smaller version of the live scene. 

Rachel loses track of how much time transpires before the newscasters share more information.

“We are being told that four officers have been injured in the shooting.  No word on how serious their injuries are at this time.”

The remote falls from her hands and hits the floor with a thud.  Delilah lifts her head to peer down at the noise, then up at her owner’s face.

Rachel feels her heartbeat in her throat.  Eyes on the screen as someone from the scene calls in to the news station, but she can’t hear it.  She can’t hear anything.  Her trembling hands pick up her cell phone and she stares at it.

Is she allowed to call him when she knows what he’s involved in? Would it cause a problem for him? But she has to know he’s okay.  But he told her he’d call her later.  But how can she wait that long with news like this?

A deep breath and she unlocks her phone, thumbs to the contacts, and finds his name. 

She hits ‘Call’.

Phone to her ear, she hears it ring.  And ring. And ring.

And every second that he doesn’t pick up, her world feels darker.

_Hey, I can’t get to my phone right now. Leave a message and I’ll call you back._

“Shane…please call me.  I saw the news a-about the four officers...” a shuddering breath that she tries to hide, “…please, babe, just call me when you can.”  She doesn’t want to outright say that it’s to make sure he’s not one of them.  She doesn’t want to put that out in the universe just yet.

She stays on the couch, eyes to the screen for another fifteen minutes.  She gets no phone calls or texts from him in that time and the identities and conditions of the officers are still unknown.

Rachel feels restless and hopeless.  In the pit of her stomach is a sinking feeling of fear.  A fear that she’s never felt before.  A different kind of fear.

Someone she cares about – _loves_ – is in danger and she can’t do anything about it.  There’s an actual real genuine chance that she could lose him and that’s not something she can wrap her brain around right now. 

She’s got to do something right now.  She needs a distraction.  He probably didn’t pick up because he’s obviously got his hands full right now. She can’t sit here any longer.

Rachel takes Delilah for a walk.  In one hand, Delilah’s leash and in her other, her cell phone.  She clutches it.  Doesn’t want to chance missing a vibration of a text or the ringing of a call.  She will not chance that.

As they walk, sirens in the distance make her stomach twist.  She calls him again.

The ringing feels endless.

_Hey, I can’t get to my phone right now. Leave a message and I’ll call you back._

“It’s me again.  I’m sorry, I know shit is probably beyond crazy right now.  I just want to make sure everything’s okay. Please call me back.  Even if it’s just for a second.”

It takes everything in her to walk their usual route and not cut it short to race home.  _Everything._

When they’re finally back at the apartment, Rachel turns the TV back on.  The situation has ended.  The hostages are safe and one suspect was taken into custody while the other was killed at the scene.

But the identities of the officers are still not being shared.

But their injury severity has.

Two critical, two serious.

It’s enough to push Rachel to get on the internet.  She hadn’t met Rick and Lori yet.  They had picked a night out for the two couples to get dinner but when Carl’s babysitter cancelled last minute, so did they. 

What it means is that Rachel doesn’t know their phone numbers.  And if anyone might know if it was Shane, Lori might.  So, she searches Lori Grimes and finds a phone number. 

When the phone rings over and over again, it makes Rachel’s fears grow.  If Lori wasn’t home, maybe it was Rick who got shot.  Maybe it was Shane.  Maybe it was both.

For the first time, her mind gets loose from the restraint she had put on it.  She starts imagining Shane laying on a stretcher, blood covering his uniform.  She imagines his eyes wild, skin pale, as he fights to stay alive.

And she finally feels tears roll down her cheeks.  Covering her mouth, she sits on the couch, and lets herself sob for a minute.  Delilah sits at her feet, nose nudging her legs until Rachel acknowledges her.  Rachel sits down on the floor next to her loyal friend and lets Delilah lick her tears. 

Sniffling, she pets the old girl, “I’m sorry Lilah girl.  I know, I shouldn’t let my mind go there.  We don’t know anything yet. We don’t know anything.”

She tries Shane again. 

This time something is different.

There’s no ringing.

_Hey, I can’t get to my phone right now. Leave a message and I’ll call you back._

His phone is dead.  She knows for a fact he didn’t turn it off because that means he would have seen her missed calls and he would have called her back, she knows he would have.

She steadies her voice as best she can, quickly wipes away a stray tear, “Baby, it’s me…again.  The overly worried girlfriend,” and she gives a weak laugh, more for him than for her.  Then she lets there be silence for a few short seconds before she swallows a sob.  Her voice now almost a pained whisper, “…just tell me you weren’t one of them. Tell me you’re okay…please.”

Still sitting on the floor, Delilah’s head in her lap, she decides to put the worries of coming off like a crazed woman aside and finds the phone number to the King County Sheriff’s Department.

“King County Sheriff’s Department,” answers the breathless sounding dispatcher. 

Rachel can hear other phone lines ringing off the hook and indistinct voices shouting in the background.  She wonders if one of them could be Shane’s.

“Hi, the four officers that were shot today, do you know who they were?” she’s quick to ask.

The dispatcher sighs with frustration, “Listen, like I’m tellin’ every other reporter who’s wasting our time, we’re not givin’ out any information before their families are informed.  Do not call back here again.” and the phone clicks as they hang up on her.

She slaps her palm against the floor in frustration.

Petting Delilah’s head, she stands up and Delilah does the same.  She grabs her laptop again and searches for every hospital near the shooting.

Rachel proceeds to call each one asking if a ‘Shane Walsh’ was a patient. And she gets the same response from each one.

“I’m sorry but we can’t give out patient information.  It’s part of our privacy policy.”

By now it’s seven at night and she hasn’t heard a word from Shane.  A check of the news shows still no new information. 

When Delilah scratches at her food dish, Rachel realizes she forgot to feed her.  On top of that, she hasn’t eaten herself but she can’t now.  Her nerves are on fire and she can barely focus on anything else.

Quickly, she feeds Lilah.  Then she stands there, mindlessly watching Delilah eat. But her mind is racing.  She doesn’t think she’ll be able to even sleep without knowing if he’s okay, but at this rate she may not find out tonight.  And that just won’t do for her or her heart.

Rachel calls a friend to come check on Delilah in an hour.  And with a kiss to her girl’s head, she leaves.

 

**~~~**

 

He’s fucking exhausted.  Every part of him, even down to his bones.  The adrenaline of the entire day finally dissipating on his drive home.

It’s almost midnight and he’s just spent the past few hours talking to numerous detectives and filling out his own mandatory forms after being involved in a shootout like they were. Like they all were.

The image of Leon bleeding from his neck right next to him comes to the forefront of his mind then.  One of the suspect’s bullets grazed Leon’s neck clipping his artery.  He had been standing right next to Shane.  As soon as Leon dropped, Shane dropped to his knees, hands coming up to put pressure on his colleague’s neck wound, the young deputy clearly terrified and grasping at Shane’s arms as his legs moved around. 

It took Shane ten minutes to scrub the blood from his hands back at the station.

He found out later that Leon made it to the hospital alive, but he wasn’t out of the woods just yet. Shane and Rick are already planning on visiting him at the hospital tomorrow.

He’s been wondering since, what if it had been him who was shot. The woman he’d be leaving behind.

He knows he told Rachel he’d call her but it’s too late now.  She’ll already be asleep.

When he finally turns onto his street and passes the front of his house to turn left into the driveway, he glances at his house.

Sitting on his front steps, head resting against a pillar that holds up the roof of his porch, is Rachel. She must have been sleeping because it’s not until he’s pulling into the driveway that she seems to slowly lift her head up. 

And the second she sees his truck, she’s standing up.  A hand to her mouth.

He doesn’t take his eyes off of her as he puts the truck in park, takes out his keys, and exits the vehicle. He forgets about his bag in the backseat and shuts his door before approaching her.

“Baby, what are you doin’ here?” And he starts walking across his lawn.

“Shane,” her voice trembles and in the faint light from the stars, he can see a shimmer to her eyes.

She’s moving towards him fast and he’s already trying to sooth her before he even has her in his arms.

“Hey, hey,” he comforts and then he’s gathering her in his arms. Rachel moves into him with enough force to send him back a step, but he takes it all.  She grips the back of his neck and hugs his waist. 

Shane grips her close with an arm around her waist, and slides his hand into her hair.

“Oh my god,” she quietly sobs and then he feels the wet spot growing on his shoulder. 

Her tears make him squeeze his eyes shut as he presses his cheek to hers before kissing it. 

Her voice is watery, shaky, “I tried – I tried finding out if it was you –“

He didn’t know.  He didn’t even think about the news and what they were sharing.

_God, why didn’t he know?_

Shane hugs her even tighter, something she reciprocates. His lips press to her temple, “I’m so sorry, sweetheart,” his voice breaks as his heart does for what she must have gone through today.

Rachel pulls back to look at him and Shane lets her go to take her face in his hands.  He thumbs away her tears and presses his forehead to hers for a moment, then presses his lips to hers.  And when her hands smooth up his forearms, he kisses her again. 

But when her hands move to his chest and grip at his shirt, Shane kisses her a third time.  Heavier than the last two, and more desperate.

The first time he sees her in days and she’s crying over him.  Both of them had been scared for his life today.

Rachel kisses him back with equal fervor, hands moving to his broad shoulders before gripping his neck again.

When they manage to part from one another, Shane takes her hand in his, threads his fingers with hers.  She grips his bicep and walks with him towards his front door.

Once inside, Shane pulls her against him by her waist then softly brushes her hair away from her face.  She brings her palms to his cheeks and just looks at him.  Her thumb brushes against his skin and a few more tears slide down her face.

Ignoring them, she pulls him close to kiss him.

Shane scoops her up in his arms, nuzzling her cheek as he walks them down the hall and into his bedroom. 

It’s all the two of them want after the day’s events.  To feel each other.  To be wrapped around one another.  To love each other.

When they’re skin to skin, the weight of Shane’s body a welcome comfort on her, he makes love to her. Lets his hands roam slow and steady along her body.  Feels along her legs that frame his hips, encompasses the softness of her breasts, strokes her delicate neck. 

Rachel holds his face to hers through every thrust of his hips – their foreheads touching, noses brushing. 

He breathes in every sweet moan from her lips and devours every cry of pleasure with vehement kisses.

And when he gives her everything he has, his name coming out of her mouth like a sin as her body arches below his, they settle into each other.

Shane stretches out on his stomach as he makes sure Rachel is tucked against him, his arm resting on her chest as his hand buries in her hair.  His bicep under her chin, her face stays turned towards his.

She reaches her arm out and slips it under his head, hooking around his neck, and with that Shane shifts closer to her until her arm is hugging him.  He fits a leg between hers and his arm on her chest lowers beneath her breasts. 

Rachel smooths her other hand up and down his back.  He fits his palm to her jaw and brings his lips to hers. 

The anxiety and adrenaline of the day and then the exertion of their intimacy brings them both asleep faster than normal.

Shane dreams of what happened at the bank.  It’s like he relives the chaos of the gunfire and the panic of pressing his hands to Leon’s bloody neck.  Can even smell the gunpowder. 

When his eyes shoot open, the room is still dark. His awakening doesn’t seem to have disturbed Rachel who is still sleeping below him, hands lax against his upper back and at his bare hip.

His breathing is heavy as he slowly comes out of the images he just experienced again, but he gently pets the side of her face and keeps his eyes on her.  The longer he looks at her, the calmer his breathing becomes. 

When he feels okay again, he stills his hand on her cheek and ghosts his thumb over her lips.  Pressing his lips to her forehead, he leaves a gentle kiss on her skin.

He’s too awake now to even attempt to fall back to sleep – maybe even afraid to if he’s honest with himself. A glance at this bedside clock shows it’s only 1:55 am which means he’s barely slept.  As he glides his hand down Rachel’s side, he makes the decision that he’ll take a hot shower – he could use one and maybe it’ll help him get back to sleep.

Reaching behind his head, he tenderly grabs Rachel’s wrist and lifts her arm up and over his head and lays her arm gently down on the bed.  Then he lifts his own arm off of her and maneuvers himself off the bed with very little movement.  Turning back to the bed, he sweetly adjusts the sheets to make sure Rachel is covered up to her shoulders. 

Shane finally remembers that his cell phone is dead so he grabs his phone charger and his phone from the pocket of his pants that are on the floor.  Heading into the attached bathroom, he closes the door with little noise and plugs his phone into the bathroom outlet, laying the phone next to the sink.

The hot water feels good against his tired muscles.  Shane just stands there for a few minutes, the water hitting his hair before drenching his body.  Rubbing the water down his face a few times, he can’t help but let his mind keep wandering back to the day’s events.  Frustrated by it, he shakes his head and instead forces his memory to instead remember Rachel and having her like he did only a short time ago.  The curves of her body and the soft sounds she makes for him.   The serenity only lasts for a few minutes before the thoughts he wants to push away flood back in.  The anguished groans from Leon and the other injured officer that Shane had seen.  The blood on his hands and his uniform.  Rick shouting as he tried to help control the scene. 

Shane grits his teeth and grabs the washcloth, quickly cleaning his body.  Shampooing his hair takes only a few minutes and before he knows it, he’s rinsed and stepping out of the shower.  He rubs the towel against his wet hair a couple times before slinging it around his waist, tucking it in to hold it in place.  His phone is now fully charged and he sees now what he’s missed.

2 texts from Lori.  1 phone call from Lori.  No doubt for when she probably couldn’t get a hold of Rick right away.

Then his heart sinks when he sees the others.

4 texts from Rachel. 6 phone calls from Rachel. 6 voicemail messages from Rachel.

A sharp inhale at the sight of the notifications listed there on the screen.  His dumb ass never felt the vibrations of the phone calls or texts, especially not with the adrenaline pumping through his veins.  Then the phone died at some point, he’s not even sure when.

Quietly he steps back into his room, a look at his girlfriend and she’s still sound asleep.  Curled under the covers a bit more than before, but her hand laying on his pillow.

He keeps his movements slow as he dries off and pulls a pair of clean boxer briefs from his drawer, pulling them on.  Then he grabs a t-shirt and pulls it on before looking over at her again.

With a small smile to himself, he leaves the room and walks down the hall.

Once in the kitchen, he unlocks his phone and puts it on speaker, volume low enough for him to hear without risking it floating down the hall to the bedroom.

He starts playing the voicemails.

Lori’s voice starts them off. 

_“Shane, Rick’s not picking up and I saw the news about the shooting. One of you call me back as soon as you can please.”_

Shane opens a cabinet and grabs a drinking glass.  Grabbing his bottle of bourbon, he fills the glass about three fingers worth.  Taking a sip, he hears Rachel’s voice start leaving his phone.

_“Shane…please call me.  I saw the news a-about the four officers. Please, babe, just call me when you can.”_

His eyes close at hearing the message. When the next one starts, he opens them again and stares at his phone as he takes another sip.

_“It’s me again.  I’m sorry, I know shit is probably beyond crazy right now.  I just want to make sure everything’s okay. Please call me back.  Even if it’s just for a second.”_

It makes his insides twist, at how fucking stupid he was for not checking his phone.  For making her feel even an ounce of worry.

_“Baby, it’s me…again.  The overly worried girlfriend… just tell me you weren’t one of them. Tell me you’re okay…please.”_

With each new voicemail, the worry and pain in her voice becomes more and more audible to him.

He takes another sip, then puts the glass down next to his phone.

_“So, I found Lori’s number and called her, but she wasn’t home.  I don’t know if that’s good or bad,”_ he hears the shuddering breath she takes before continuing, _“I even called some hospitals to make…to make sure you weren’t there…I know, a bit much, right?”_ but her voice is too shaky for her self-deprecating joke to really come off as such, _“They couldn’t tell me if you were though…so I still don’t know.  I still don’t know if you’re okay.”_

Rachel’s hand grips against Shane’s pillow before her eyes slowly start to open.  Slight confusion takes over her face as consciousness starts to come back to her.  The room is dark and a look out the window shows darkness as well.  Shane is gone and a glance over her should at the bathroom shows an open door with the lights off inside. 

She covers her mouth for a yawn then runs her hand through her hair as she sits up.  With her eyes already adjusted to the darkness of the room, she finds her panties on the floor and pulls them back on.  Opening the drawer that she knows houses Shane’s t-shirts, she pulls out his King County Sheriff softball raglan shirt and slips it on over her head.  The three-quarter length sleeves provide a mild warmth to her partially nude body.

As she heads down the hallway, she hears her own voice.  The more she walks, the closer it sounds.

She catches the words, _I still don’t know if you’re okay,_ and she stops in her tracks.  Out of Shane’s sight, she covers her mouth as tears spring to her eyes.  She stays around the corner as she listens.

Shane leans his hands on the counter, head hanging as he closes his eyes again.

“ _I guess your phone is dead now_ ,” and his heart fucking breaks when he hears her choke out a sob that she must also quickly stifle as best she can, “ _I, um, I’m just hoping that you’re alright.  And-and if you’re not…”_ this time she starts openly crying in the message, “ _Then I hope somehow, I find out soon so I can come see you_ ,” and then he just hears her crying for a minute before she speaks again, “ _Shane, I’m scared.  Please baby, please if you hear this somehow, call me. I…call me.”_

Tears slip out from his closed eyelids, rolling down his cheeks.  He feels them collect at his chin before dripping off to hit the floor.

The automated voice alerts him that the next voicemail message is his last one.

“ _I have no idea if you’ll even hear this at this point, but I’m heading to your place right now.  I figure somehow, someway if I’m there I’ll find out if you’re okay_ ,” he hears her sigh before her voice becomes smaller, almost defeated, “ _I don’t know what else to do…_ ”

And Shane hears the smallest creak to his right and quickly lifts his head, opening his eyes to look. 

Rachel steps out from behind the corner, tears spilling from her eyes.  She sees the tears on his own face, his sweet brown eyes watery as more tears form.

They stare at each other as the voicemail continues playing.

“ _…I feel like my whole world has stopped and I feel like I can’t take a real breath, not until I know that you’re safe, that you’re-that you’re alive.  God, Shane, I-I just…you have to be okay. You have to.  The last time I hear your voice can’t be your goddamn outgoing message_ ,” and though she sounds frustrated now, her voice breaks as emotion takes over, “ _It just can’t be, okay?”_ she takes a few breaths, _“Hopefully I see you when I get there.  Bye, babe.”_

Shane doesn’t say anything, he can’t even if he wanted to.  The lump in his throat isn’t going away with just a quick swallow.  All he can do is keeping staring at this woman in front of him who was so broken-hearted over his well-being that she tried everything she could think of to find out if he was okay.

Rachel takes a few steps closer but is still a couple feet away from him. She doesn’t even bother to wipe her tears when she starts speaking to him softly.

“I’ve been scared before, but I have never been the kind of scared that I was today.  It was a different kind of fear.  It felt like-like I was missing a part of me,” she motions to her chest as she says that, her face clouded with sadness, “My feelings for you have grown so much so fast that it made me nervous.  To think that I’m falling so hard for someone, and that it also means my heart could be broken in the most brutal way.  And that – that is hard to let sink in sometimes.  But it’s something that I’m starting to not even care about anymore, because you, Shane…you are one of the best things to happen to me.  And what I want to say to you, I don’t want to cheapen it by having it seem like it took fear for me to realize it, because that’s not true.  The fear only cemented it for me.  So, just know…just know that you have me, Shane.  You have all of me.”

It’s the best she can do in letting him know how much he means to her without saying those three words.

And it’s clear Shane understands because the way his stare softens is enough to make her knees weak.  He closes the short distance between them and his gaze roams around her beautiful face, hand smoothing over her hair before using a knuckle to wipe her tears away, all as she wipes at his own.

Shane agrees with her.  He doesn’t want the memory of him telling her he loves her to be attached to the fear and worry she had today.  But damn if he isn’t going to figure out how to tell her just how much he loves her right back.

But first he does the thing he wants to the most, he kisses her hard.  The way she cared about him, the way she always cares about him, is something he’s never got to experience from a woman before, not like this.  Hearing how broken she was over him and how broken he feels for not being able to reassure her sooner, it hurts but it also means that she’s burrowed deep inside of him and that’s something that he loves.  Because if he’s to love someone, he couldn’t be happier that his heart chose her.

The way she kisses him back fills his whole body with warmth and comfort.

When their lips part, she pets his cheek sweetly before letting her hand drift to his chest.

“I’m so sorry for not gettin' back to you, baby. Seein' you cry and hearin' your voice like that, it just about stabs me in the chest,” he kisses her forehead then presses his own to hers, “I don’t want a good memory attached to this bad one either, so know that I’m fallin’ for you just as hard,” her mouth curves into the cutest of grins, “Rachel Hanson, you are all that I want.”

She brings her lips to his and he slips his hand under the hem of his softball shirt, hand smoothing over her ass.  He kisses between her eyes when she pulls away and she has a light hold of his t-shirt at his hip.

It might be too soon, but the care and trust between them is obviously something they both feel.  It just works for them. It works so well.

Rachel notices the glass of liquor near the phone, and though Shane drinks when they go out, she’s never seen him drink randomly like this.

“What you went through today,” she starts quietly, “You want to talk about it?”

Shane’s quick to shake his head, “I don’t think –“,  but Rachel cuts him off, knowing what he’s going to say.

“I’m okay, because you’re okay.  At least physically you are.  You’re not going to hurt me by talking about it.”

He watches her for a second, letting her words sink in, then nods, “Okay.” 

He kisses her again before she takes his hand and walks back to the bedroom with him.  And it’s there, sitting on his bed, that he tells her the details of the day.  Rachel listens and holds his hand, strokes his arm at times.  Even when her eyes glisten with tears, she never looks away from him.  When he cries a bit at the point of talking about Leon getting shot, she touches his cheek and kisses his face.

That next time they fall asleep, she’s holding his head to her chest as he lays on top of her, holding onto her like she might disappear.  

Her fingers in his hair lull him to sleep and she finally takes that deep breath.


End file.
